Build Trust and Candor into your Meeting

stephanie • July 14, 2021
Woman in black blazer addressing a group at a table in an office.

There are two of us running Wolf & Heron. Our partnership is the foundation of our business. It shapes our work, how we show up for our clients, how we run meetings and what we put out into the world. Leaders watch our partnership in action and notice the trust, honesty, and candor between us and how that creates the space for both of us to be the best versions of ourselves. “How do we do that?” they ask. “What’s the secret?” 


The answer lies in two important qualities of how we work together, and these qualities are transferable to any meeting you may have at work. If done well, over time they’ll manifest incredible trust and candor within your team.


The First quality is Permission


A good meeting, interaction, or gathering is first characterized by the permission we give to its participants. The permission to say or ask anything is priceless. With this permission, we’re allowed to ask for what we need, speak up about issues when we feel the need, offer feedback to others, and be unfiltered about it in the process.


When leading a meeting, talk about permissions explicitly—don’t assume it’s implied. Ask permission for what you need as the facilitator of the group, and discuss what permissions the group needs from you to be effective together.


As a leader, consider asking permission to:


  • refocus the conversation when it diverges or gets repetitive
  • call on people who have not spoken recently
  • hold people back if they are dominating the conversation
  • ask clarifying questions when you need someone to elaborate
  • pause to reassess agenda topics or timing


Remind your participants they have the permission to:


  • ask questions
  • invite colleagues into the conversation if they have not spoken
  • ask to spend extra time on a topic
  • ask other people to say more about where they stand on an issue
  • express concerns that haven’t been fully addressed


The second quality is Safety.


Even if your meeting participants have permission to contribute fully, they also need to feel safe enough to do so. Psychological safety is largely based on the previous experiences and history the participants of your meeting have with you and each other. Breaking habits that cause people to feel uncomfortable can take a while, but naming those habits, ensuring you hold the boundaries as a facilitator, and establish new behaviors designed to create psychological safety will eventually lead to broader and deeper conversations with the people you meet with.


Here are some habits and ground rules to establish:


  • Make explicit the expectation of respect and confidentiality/discretion from the group.
  • Ask the group to devote their full attention to each person who speaks.
  • Hold the space for each person to take their time and complete their thoughts.
  • Ask follow-up questions for clarity if necessary.
  • Give credit to and build on each other’s comments.
  • Invite people into the conversation who have not spoken.
  • Encourage collaborative brainstorming to problem solve.
  • Avoid blaming.
  • Honor all opinions equally.
  • Answer any and all questions truthfully.
  • Summarize what has been learned as the meeting comes to an end.
  • Have each person explain the actions they will take and provide suggestions to others as well.
  • Acknowledge the quality of the conversation and thank the group for it.


In the process of having more candid, mutually respectful conversations, your team members will feel like their voices are heard and they are seen for who they are. They will become more cohesive and work together more powerfully. They may even start looking forward to your meetings.



Summary of Takeaways

Trust and candor are the foundation of any high-performing partnership or team, but they don't happen by accident. To create a space where people can be their best versions, you must intentionally build two qualities into your meetings:


  • Explicit Permission: Don't assume that participants know they have the right to speak up. As a facilitator, explicitly ask for permission to refocus the group, call on quiet voices, or pause the agenda. Simultaneously, remind participants they have permission to ask tough questions, invite colleagues into the fold, and express unaddressed concerns.
  • Psychological Safety: Permission is useless without safety. Establish ground rules that protect the group, such as ensuring full attention for every speaker, avoiding blame, and building on each other's ideas rather than tearing them down.
  • Consistency Builds Cohesion: Breaking old habits takes time. By consistently naming productive behaviors and holding the boundaries as a facilitator, you transition the team from "just another meeting" to a cohesive unit where members feel seen, heard, and valued.

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