How to Give Constructive Feedback

September 9, 2024

Recently, Stephanie and Kara gave some post-workshop coaching to a manager in crisis. He stayed on after our Powerful Questions OneHour Workshop because he was experiencing a particular issue with an employee and couldn’t see a way through it.


“Bob, comes to me for our check-ins with nothing but problems, and he asks me for the solutions. It’s so frustrating. I don’t get it. All my other employees come to me with ideas or solutions and we can collaborate from there. I don’t know how to get him out of his mindset that it’s my job to do all the creative problem-solving.” This wasn’t the first time we heard from a manager about an issue like this. From a managers pov, there are employees who complain all the time, employees who seem distracted, employees who are frustrated with the powers that be, employees that for whatever reason don’t seem to be performing up to expectations… and managers everywhere who don’t know how to address the attitude or behavioral issue with their employees.


But it’s no wonder! This is tough for many managers to navigate, regardless of the particular issue. Once a manager has mustered up the willingness to prepare for and deliver feedback, it requires attention, time and curiosity to work through. For many managers, these difficult conversations cause additional mental load because they are accompanied by fear and anxiety.


Instead of avoiding those conversations, managers should take the time to think through the issue, clarify their thoughts about what’s going on, and then develop a plan for what to do next. The good thing is that there doesn’t have to be a clear solution to the problem, just a plan for how to find it.

We can do the work of getting you there on a coaching call. But if you don’t have access to a coach, here are a few things to consider.


Dos... 


  • Be clear and specific
  • Assume positive intent
  • Be considerate of the employee’s emotional experience
  • Focus on behaviors, not personalities
  • Ask WHEN, WHERE, HOW, and WHAT questions 
  • Come up with next steps together


...and Don’ts 


  • Make assumptions
  • Focus on winning or being right
  • Get defensive
  • Bring in your emotional baggage
  • Ask WHY or closed yes/ no questions



With that in mind, if you are a manager with any type of problem employee, schedule yourself 30 minutes, download this reflection worksheet. By the time you’ve completed the worksheet, you will have processed your own feelings, identified what’s important, and come up with a plan to have a feedback conversation with your employee.

Share this article

Recent Posts

By Stephanie Judd March 2, 2026
Many of the people we coach are people leaders who are stressed about supporting their people in the midst of (massive) organizational change. Then pile on the fact that they’re often losing resources and being asked to do more with less. We hear comments like: I don’t know what to tell my team that will be helpful when I’m frustrated and overworked myself. Leadership just keeps asking for more. How do I keep them motivated? We don’t have any professional development money for them. These leaders think that they have to show up with the answer to everyone else’s problems. They want to be able to provide a solution that will give their teams clarity and direction. They know that’s what their people want. And yet, they’re often ignoring the most critical tool in their arsenal.
By Stephanie Judd February 16, 2026
Last week, Kara coached Carl, a leader who was getting ready for a working group meeting. It was the group’s first opportunity to meet after their kickoff, and a critical moment to move the group from idea to action. Carl was concerned that people would be reluctant to contribute and then he’d be left alone to do the work without the crucial input from his stakeholders. What Carl needed was some space to get clear on the desired outcomes of his meeting, think through how he was going to run it, and make sure everyone was set up to contribute meaningfully. By the end of the session, Carl felt ready. You can’t prepare to the same degree for all your meetings. Sometimes all you can do is make sure you have a Zoom link attached to the calendar invite. But for high-stakes moments, the discussions that truly matter and require input from others, you need to go further and approach them strategically. That is one of the clearest ways you demonstrate leadership.
By Stephanie Judd February 3, 2026
One of the most frustrating things Stephanie and Kara experience is facing a meeting on their calendar with a vague title and no agenda. Or (let’s be honest, it’s not much better) the laundry list of topics masquerading as an agenda. When looking at these meetings, Stephanie and Kara don’t know what’s expected of them, how to prepare, nor what the point of the meeting is at all. But… although we’re all victims of this workplace crime… we’re also the perpetrators. Just last week Kara titled a meeting “Storytelling Kickoff” that didn’t have an agenda. Stephanie created a calendar invite titled “Call with Lynette.” It too, had no agenda. We were both invited to a blank “Connect.” Stephanie even registered for a webinar months ahead of time, but when the day came, the calendar invitation title was “Webinar” with no description or agenda, so of course she didn’t attend.
January 19, 2026
Earlier this month, we talked about why data can be difficult to communicate . Data often lacks meaning, is hard to process, and rarely engages people emotionally. Fortunately, there’s a way to address all three challenges at once. Storytelling is one of the most effective ways to make your data more compelling. Here’s why.
Show More