Make People Feel Seen, Heard, and Understood - Part 2: Coaching Tips for Leaders

kara • March 20, 2023

Last time, we discussed how important it is that leaders make their people feel seen, heard, and understood (see Part 1). As executive coaches, we work with a lot of leaders and, in our experience, find that this skill is particularly important, yet underdeveloped, in today’s leaders. The key to making people feel seen, heard, and understood is to listen and ask more questions, but as we explored in our last article, there are many mistakes leaders make even when they THINK they’re doing just that. Today, we’re here to offer some conversation tools we use as coaches that we think are particularly powerful at making people feel seen, heard, and understood.


Restate What You Hear


Let your statements be limited to restating what you hear or noticing the mental and emotional experience of the other person. This is the single most fundamental way to make a person feel seen and heard.


Ask Powerful Questions


If you want to help them move forward and find a solution, focus on asking powerful questions; questions that begin with the words when, where, how, and sometimes what. 


  1. What would make you feel successful?
  2. Where might you start?
  3. How will you evaluate your options?
  4. When will you know you’ve found what you’re looking for?


Stay Future-Focused


The best questions are future-oriented. They're not designed to get the other person to simply rehash the past and talk about things they already know. Those questions, though technically phrased right, are mostly information-seeking on your part rather than productive. Here are some common questions that aren’t future-oriented, and their more powerful counterparts:


  1. What have you tried so far? → What could you try?
  2. How did Sally receive that?  → How do you imagine Sally will receive that?
  3. What has been successful in the past? → What outcome are you hoping for?


Trust Your Conversation Partner’s Answers Are Right


If you’re truly asking powerful, future-oriented questions, the next step is trusting that what the other person offers in answer to your questions is “right” for them. Powerful, open-ended questions don’t have an objectively right answer… they’re exploratory in nature. Even if it’s not the answer you would have given had the tables been turned, it’s the right answer for them.


Be Mindful


The simple act of making the conscious commitment to be curious will set you up to be so. Take a breath, focus on what you want to bring to the conversation, and let that be a mindframe that you stay in throughout.


As a leader, one of the most radical things you can do is prioritize making your people feel seen, heard, and understood. Take the time to cultivate some of the keystone skills of coaches—listening and asking questions— to transform your relationships, inspire your people, and engage them more effectively.


What do you do as a leader to make your people feel seen, heard and understood?

Share this article

Recent Posts

By Stephanie Judd March 2, 2026
Many of the people we coach are people leaders who are stressed about supporting their people in the midst of (massive) organizational change. Then pile on the fact that they’re often losing resources and being asked to do more with less. We hear comments like: I don’t know what to tell my team that will be helpful when I’m frustrated and overworked myself. Leadership just keeps asking for more. How do I keep them motivated? We don’t have any professional development money for them. These leaders think that they have to show up with the answer to everyone else’s problems. They want to be able to provide a solution that will give their teams clarity and direction. They know that’s what their people want. And yet, they’re often ignoring the most critical tool in their arsenal.
By Stephanie Judd February 16, 2026
Last week, Kara coached Carl, a leader who was getting ready for a working group meeting. It was the group’s first opportunity to meet after their kickoff, and a critical moment to move the group from idea to action. Carl was concerned that people would be reluctant to contribute and then he’d be left alone to do the work without the crucial input from his stakeholders. What Carl needed was some space to get clear on the desired outcomes of his meeting, think through how he was going to run it, and make sure everyone was set up to contribute meaningfully. By the end of the session, Carl felt ready. You can’t prepare to the same degree for all your meetings. Sometimes all you can do is make sure you have a Zoom link attached to the calendar invite. But for high-stakes moments, the discussions that truly matter and require input from others, you need to go further and approach them strategically. That is one of the clearest ways you demonstrate leadership.
By Stephanie Judd February 3, 2026
One of the most frustrating things Stephanie and Kara experience is facing a meeting on their calendar with a vague title and no agenda. Or (let’s be honest, it’s not much better) the laundry list of topics masquerading as an agenda. When looking at these meetings, Stephanie and Kara don’t know what’s expected of them, how to prepare, nor what the point of the meeting is at all. But… although we’re all victims of this workplace crime… we’re also the perpetrators. Just last week Kara titled a meeting “Storytelling Kickoff” that didn’t have an agenda. Stephanie created a calendar invite titled “Call with Lynette.” It too, had no agenda. We were both invited to a blank “Connect.” Stephanie even registered for a webinar months ahead of time, but when the day came, the calendar invitation title was “Webinar” with no description or agenda, so of course she didn’t attend.
January 19, 2026
Earlier this month, we talked about why data can be difficult to communicate . Data often lacks meaning, is hard to process, and rarely engages people emotionally. Fortunately, there’s a way to address all three challenges at once. Storytelling is one of the most effective ways to make your data more compelling. Here’s why.
Show More