Stephanie and I have spent a lot of time sharing the value of values. (See here, here and here). We even created this handy dandy tool to help you suss them out for yourselves. So we thought we’d each take a turn diving deep into our own values and showing how they have helped us shape our worlds. And it's my turn.
As we discussed earlier, many of us feel like imposters sometimes. We feel like we lack credibility and it holds us back from doing what we need to do.
Here’s what happens:
Because you don’t feel credible, you might not try for that opportunity staring you in the face. Instead of applying for that job or reaching out for an informational interview, you sit back, take an extra day to look at your LinkedIn profile. You wait another week, do some research and still feel inadequate. You finally get around to sending that email or picking up the phone and you’re filled with so much self-doubt that when you finally reach the person on the other side, your breath gets short, your heart rate speeds up, and your inner voice is saying, “Why do I sound so panicky?” And it’s all you can do to keep going when you feel like that person on the line is slowly hearing your crumble in real time.
It doesn’t really matter who we are, we always answer to someone. My sister, after a spin as a bartender and a stint in corporate life, eventually found her way to the COO position of a tech startup because she was tired of having a boss. Then she discovered that even as the COO, on equal footing with the CEO, she and her partner still had to answer to investors. Kara and I might be the owners of our business, but we still have to answer to our clients. Our young cousins in high school – well, they answer to their parents. You will have people you answer to.
Recently I started reading the book Predictably Irrational by Dan Ariely. It’s right in the vein of many of the books I love to devour because it’s about the human brain – in all its confusing glory – and how we aren’t, at the core, actually rational creatures (as standard economic theory assumes). Even more interestingly, though, is that the book suggests that we’re actually irrational in predictable ways.
I love having discussions about Values with people because we often find there are several of us who share the same value, but those values show up very differently for each of us. Kara and I had one such discussion recently, and we discovered a fun little detail about our value of Stability. I don’t think either one of us would talk about Stability as a mama-bear value, but it’s definitely in the list of ones we think about. What was interesting for us, though, was what Stability looked like for each of us.
Ugh. I recently had a horrible networking meeting. Even as someone who literally spends her life thinking about how to be influential, how to make a difference, how to have presence and gravitas, and bring people around to my side… even I have meetings that just don’t go all that well. And this one was one of them.
We were recently Experts in Residence for the Bullish Society, a community that offers aggressive lady advice for people who want to do their own thing. For our residency, we focused on knowing your values, the cornerstone of being an authentic leader from anywhere on the totem pole of authority. The discussions we had there inspired Kara and I to re-examine our own values… because that process never gets old, and always yields some new insights.
According to Sakulku, Jaruwan, 70% of people experience some form of imposter syndrome in their lives. Fear is a normal human emotion and its existence makes sense when you think about it... Large predator? Quick! Run! Food stores getting low? I could starve! I must work hard to prepare for winter. While fear is evolutionarily designed to keep us alive, it’s important to not let it prevent you from fully living. Don’t let it get in the way of doing the things you need to do in pursuing your dreams.
As a follow-up to our previous post on networking, today’s blog is about the right and wrong questions that you can ask during a networking conversation. The kinds of questions you ask can make or break how effective you are at building connections and increasing your influence. Your “winner’s circle” doesn’t create itself, and being intentional about increasing its reach will be important to getting ahead.
An individual is not influential in a vacuum. An individual is influential by having an impact on someone else, by persuading someone, or by winning someone over. If influence were an equation, there’s the influencer (what (s)he does/says/thinks) and the audience, the person or group the influencer is trying to impact, typically by changing what they do, say, or think.
When I talk about being an expert in Influence to people, I very often get back a comment along the lines of, “Oh, so you’re a professional manipulator!” or “So, can you make my husband do the dishes?” I sometimes even come across someone who is so cynical and jaded he might say something like, “Oh, so you basically make people do what they don’t want to do.”
This article is a response to those questions, and a discussion into the difference between influence, manipulation, and coercion.
In the spirit of getting more exercise, Kara and I signed up for a race that we could run while we were together during our Summer/Fall Retreat. Because I was planning a wedding up until two weeks before the race, I pretty much forgot about (ignored?) training, so there I was on race day having literally not run a single step since at least a year prior. Oh goodie.
We’ve all been there. Sometimes the job just sucks. For those of you who have always loved your jobs every single day you’ve had to work it, more power to you and count your blessings. To the rest of us, not every day is going to be awesome.
A critical factor to how indispensable you are at work, or how effective you are at your side-hustle is your level of influence. Your ability to influence people and overcome resistance in situations where you aren’t necessarily the official boss or HBIC (even though we know you’re one at heart) is a great measure of how easy (or hard) it will be for you to get things done and make the difference you want to make.
Your WHY is the reason you’re here, the difference you make that’s uniquely attributed to you. It’s your personal mission statement, your mantra, motto or raison d’etre. Everyone has one, but not everyone acknowledges it, articulates it, and/or shares it with others.
For me, confidence is the voice inside my head telling me I’m awesome or “go for it, Kara…just effing go for it.” It’s something I take for granted when it shows up, like a good friend, encouraging me to say yes to a speaking engagement or reveling in pride at a workshop done well.
Let’s be honest… knowing what you want isn’t actually that easy to figure out, and not all of us were born with super, crystal-clear inspiration or focus. And on top of that, more than half the time, what you thought you wanted isn’t actually what you wanted, or what you want changes as you grow up and learn things, and then you have to start all over again! Here is a 3-step process for creating a clear picture of what you want.
Katty Kay & Claire Shipman previously partnered together to write Womenomics. This time around, these journalists enter back into the fray with a study of confidence - what it means, what it’s made of and how we (especially women) can get more. They paint a picture and tell the stories of experts and confident women to understand the relationships between confidence, being female and success.
Writing down your goals and dreams is a great way to force yourself to get some clarity because it’s hard to write down fuzz. Although I didn’t know it at the time, I had taken a big step toward creating the life I wanted for myself simply by putting together that five-item bullet list on my profile.
I first discovered visioning when I was a grad student at the University of Michigan. I was enrolled as a dual MBA and MS student and, at both programs, found myself drawn to courses that dealt with human and behavioral issues.
An organization informs its culture, in part, by developing a set of organizational values. In the words of HRr, “As Human Resource leaders, it’s our job to lead the business in defining the values it holds dear, translating those values into behaviors appropriate to each level of the organization…” We’ve spent some time recently (see here and here) describing the WHY, WHAT and HOW of values at the individual level and why knowing your values is critical to being an authentic leader.
I figured out that “executive presence” was really just window dressing for a traditional corporate POV of what good looks like. It wasn’t what I needed to be influential and impactful in my work. At wolf & heron, we’re more interested in helping you develop your presence, and that’s something only you can find.
You don’t have to be fearless… you just have to channel your inner boss, get comfortable with being uncomfortable and sticking with it. Through that discomfort comes growth, learning, and possibility… and next time it won’t be quite as hard.
Leadership is a mindset, not a title. Nobody dons you a leader… they might give you a title, but we all know how little titles and leadership actually have to do with each other. Just recently one of our client's shared how excited she was that her company was going to launch a signature collection for the Japanese market as a result of her vision and influence. She didn’t have the authority to “make it so” with the stroke of her pen, but it was her initiative and leadership that brought it to life. Now she gets to have the opportunity of a lifetime to design the collection!
Have you heard of Brené Brown yet? If not, you’re lucky, because you have a whole wealth of insight, honesty and self-reflection in your future. Wolf & heron has an admittedly intense intellectual and authentic girl-crush on the scientist and empathy expert. But as I expect we’ll write a future post called, Why Stephanie and Kara love Brené Brown, we’ll save the heart eyes for later.
We’ve all heard the expressions “dress for the job you want, not the job you have” or “look good, feel good” but we don’t really believe them (at least I didn’t). I was conflicted about wanting to look good and feeling guilty about wasting time focusing on “vanity” things like clothes and makeup. But, it turns out that there’s research out there that shows that what we wear affects our behavior, mood, personality, confidence, and how we interact with others.