I love having discussions about Values with people because we often find there are several of us who share the same value, but those values show up very differently for each of us. Kara and I had one such discussion recently, and we discovered a fun little detail about our value of Stability. I don’t think either one of us would talk about Stability as a mama-bear value, but it’s definitely in the list of ones we think about. What was interesting for us, though, was what Stability looked like for each of us.
We both used to live in Michigan, and spent several years together at a consulting firm. We left around the same time, but for different reasons. I was in search of sunshine. I couldn’t handle the endless gray of the Michigan skies anymore, and needed a brighter blue to look up to. Colorado is known for getting 300 days of sunshine a year. Kara left Michigan because she wanted to go home. She always knew that one day she would end up back in the part of the world where her entire extended family lives, and it felt like it was time (maybe a story for her to tell another day).
A year and a half since then, I’ve already moved a second time (this time it was just down the street, though) and I’m thinking about relocating to Denver next year. Kara, on the other hand, bought herself a house and is so excited to settle into her 30-year home.
While we were on retreat, Kara was a little surprised to learn that a move to Denver was in the cards for me for next year, and asked me, point blank, “Don’t you want some more Stability in your life?” Boom… there it was… a classic question about values.
My answer, though, surprised her. For me, I have SO MUCH MORE Stability than I have had in a really long time. I recently got married, so I’m in a very committed, long-term relationship. I also have a mission that I believe in and a business partner that I trust completely. The big rocks in my life are totally, completely, 100% stable. Where I live is ancillary. Doug (the hubs) and I are even considering potentially giving Van Life a go.
For Kara, on the other hand, her home is the nexus of her Stability. Kara is one of the world's best hostesses… She loves to receive people to her home, and give them an experience that is absolutely stellar. She crafts her environments with extreme intention, and has always created spaces that are super cozy and warm. For her, Stability of Place is a big part of what makes her feel rooted.
Even though we both consider Stability to be important in our lives, we have extremely different definitions of what that means to us.
What values do you share with your friends or family or colleagues? Spend some time asking each other what those values really, truly, mean, and how they show up in your lives. You might learn something new about each other, and yourself.
-- Stephanie Judd, cofounder, wolf & heron